Dear DirtyMilf

I received this in my spam folder today (THANK YOU, AKISMET).  The sender was “Dirtymilfs.org.”  Should I be flattered or insulted?  Hmmmm…food for thought.

Miss (or Mr?) DirtyMilf writes:

hello!,I like your writing so so much! percentage we keep in touch more about your post on AOL? I require a specialist in this area to resolve my problem. May be that is you! Having a look forward to peer you.

Well, hello back to you, DirtyMilf!,  Thank you so so much for getting in touch with me.  I am truly honored to get such a nice compliment about my writing by someone as articulate as yourself.  I do not have AOL but if I did, I would love to discuss percentages (and hell, even fractions and exponents) with you.  But PLEASE, NO calculus!  I could never understand Limits.

I am not a specialist but maybe I can help you with your problem.  Have you tried any of these yet?

Or how about

Thank you for the warning that you will be peering me but please don’t feel like you are having to look forward to it.  I mean, this is America, Land of the Free so technically, you don’t HAVE to look forward to anything if you don’t want to.