For Once I Am At A Loss For Words
As many of you know, I am a member of the West Webster Fire Department. This week has been the longest week of my life and yet, it seems like just yesterday, I was thanking Tomasz for supporting me and laughing at Chip’s goofy ways. I have so many thoughts that they are all scrambled and every time I try to put them in writing, words never seem to be nearly enough so I just give up. I know that I will write about the events of this week soon. I know I must in order to get it out there. I also know that I won’t be able to do it now. Two of my brothers and friends went into the ground this week because of a sick coward and the community has completely overwhelmed me in response. All I can say here is a message from my Mother-in-Law, “What the devil uses for evil, God uses for good.” Amen. More to follow when my thoughts get clearer. Stay safe, friends.
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Always A Runner-Up, Never A Winner
Recently, my friend at Absolutely Narcissism wrote about her adventures in competing. She is a bodybuilder like I….well…like I USED to be. Now, I just sit around and blog and eat because I like to eat. And blog.
Sandra wrote about her second-place win and you know what? Fuck first-placers! Fuck them and their enormous trophies!
When I was 25, I weighed the most I ever weighed, aside from pregnancy.
Something needed to happen because I was soooo unhappy with myself.
I had recently joined the fire department as an EMT and I was beginning my training as an interior firefighter.
I decided to go to the gym but my goal wasn’t to lose weight. I figured that I tried so hard to lose weight in the past that attaining that goal was not possible. But I wanted to gain the upper body strength and the endurance needed to be a firefighter.
After the weight started to come off, my trainer told me I should do a bodybuilding competition. I thought he was out of his mind!!
But…after 16 weeks of hard-core training, I competed. I came in second place.
I should have been happy going from a size 16 (at only 5 feet tall) to a size 4 thigh with a size 2 waist.
I should have been happy going from 165 pounds to 104 pounds.
I should have been happy going from 27% body fat to 8%.
AND I TOTALLY WAS!
But second place??? I admit, I was bummed.
I competed again 5 months later…and placed 3rd. My second competition was my last.
I just love macaroni wayyyyy too much to stay on that diet!
But that WAS a HUGE accomplishment for me and first place or not, I did feel like a winner.
This post is for The 30 Days of Writing Challenge hosted by We Work For Cheese. Today’s prompt is “First Place.”
An Awesome Mother’s Day Gift – I KNEW He Loved Me!
Ever since my son was 3 months old (and my daughter was 4), I have been a volunteer FF/EMT for the fire department. I love the snot out of it! Yeah, there is the cliche…I love knowing that I am helping others…but I love it for more selfish reasons than that. Reasons other fire/EMS people are less likely to share because, well, it makes them sound selfish. What are those selfish reasons I speak of?
- Being part of a family that will call me “Crack-Head” one minute and would kill to help me out in a moment’s notice the next.
- Being called “Captain”
- Feeling like I am a part of something bigger than me
- Having people pull over for me because at that very moment in time, I am pretty important and I have someplace to be in a hurry.
- THE RUSH
- The unpredictable nature of the job
- Pride in knowing that I can do such an unpredictable job
- Wearing the uniform (See #’s 3 and 7)
- Having an excuse to leave anxiety-provoking family events when the pager goes off (Sorry Honey, 911 is open 24/7 . There is nothing I can do about it).
- Feeling productive
- Knowing that if my power goes out at home, I always have a place to stay with a generator.
- Etc.
Our fire department has an explorer post and for a while now, I have been hoping my son would join it but really thinking that it was just wishful thinking. Over the past few weeks, I have been REALLY promoting the idea. He has acted very interested but when it actually comes time to walk away from the video game to observe a drill to see if he would want to join, he is all, “MOM! I don’t want to join!”
Don’t get me wrong. I wouldn’t force him to join but I KNEW that he only denied interest because of that damned video game. I KNEW that if he tried it out, he would like it.
Last night, my husband tried to convince him to go again. He dug his heals in and refused and there was nothing that could be said to change his mind….except…
My husband: ”Mom won’t bother you again about it but she is disappointed that you won’t try it.”
My son: ”I will try it tonight for her. It can be her Mother’s Day present.”
I was sooooooo excited that he agreed and sooooooooo touched that he didn’t want me to feel disappointed. I thanked him profusely and promised that if he didn’t like it, he would never hear another word from me about it again.
He liked it and wants to join!!!! He has no idea how much he is going to like being a part of something bigger than him.
