My Sick Mind

Thinking of Deleting.

I have been giving this blog some thought.  I have loved writing it and even more, I love having followers because my self-esteem just craves followers!  But since Christmas Eve, I have just not had the ambition to add to it and now that I am thinking more seriously about my professional career, I am not sure it is a very good idea for me to have.

However!  The posts do seem to help people (especially the ones about Lupus) and I adore The Tattoo Project!

AND!  I love having this to come back to when I like.

AND!  I think I am worthy of employment despite some of the posts I have made.  I mean, I am human with all sorts of human thoughts, feelings, and such…does the blog have to be a negative when it is packed with a ton of positives too?

Any thoughts or ideas or suggestions for me?  I would love to hear them!!

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May 1, 2013 | Categories: Blogging, misunderstandings, My Sick Mind | Tags: , , , , , , , , | 6 Comments »

What The Heck Was I Going To Title This Post?

plaques_tangles

About a year ago (or was it two?), I started to notice a marked decline in my memory.  Prior to this, I would forget things and didn’t give it much thought.  I would write it off as being busy, having a lot on my mind, ADD, yadda yadda.  You know how it is.  You go to the grocery store to buy milk and buy everything but the milk.  You enter a room to retrieve something and once you get there, you can’t remember what you went to get.  You look for your eyeglasses for a half-hour before you realize they are on your face (or is that just me?)  Or my personal favorite, WHILE DRINKING FROM YOUR CUP OF COFFEE,  you tell yourself, “Crap!  I went to the kitchen to make my coffee and I forgot to make it (sip)!”  After a while, these things really started to irritate me.  I was so frustrated with myself and told myself that I really need to focus more.

But a year ago (or was it two?), things got noticeably worse and I started to feel less frustrated with myself and more scared.  I first noticed it during a fire department drill when my Chief told me that I had told someone to do something and they disregarded my command.  I answered to him that I didn’t remember telling that person to do that.  He said that I did and I repeated that I didn’t remember.  Not wanting to fight, he dropped the issue.  I honestly had ZERO recollection of ever giving that other person the command.  I was upset that my chief was so determined that I said something that I couldn’t remember.  My chief has a great memory.  If he said he heard me say it, I must have said it BUT I COULDN’T REMEMBER IT AT ALL.  This scared me.  I mulled it over for about 3 days before it all came back to me.  I DID give the command and my command was disregarded.  Since that incident, there were a number of similar incidents.  He would give me a direction or a suggestion and I would agree with it and then completely forget about that conversation.  Understandably, it would upset him.  He thought I was arguing with him that the conversation never occurred.  On the contrary, I 100% believed him that the conversation occurred and I 100% had NO recollection of the conversation.  I was getting very frightened.  When my husband asked me one day, “When was Freud born?” and I couldn’t answer it, I freaked out.  I had been studying Freud for 7 years.  How the heck could I have forgotten that?  I couldn’t even give an estimated guess and when I finally did, I was off by about 70 years.  What the hell was happening to me??

Knowing that Lupus can affect the brain, I expressed my concern about my memory lapses to my Rheumatologist.  I told him that I was constantly forgetting things.  I forgot important conversations, dates, things on my to-do list, and I was having a terrible time recalling simple words.  I explained how I sat in the kitchen for about 3 minutes trying to remember the word “pork.”  I kept saying, “It’s not chicken, not beef.  It’s white meat.  What the hell is it?”  Finally, my son said, “Pork, Mom!”  I felt so embarrassed.  In fact, I wrote another post about my memory problems here (and yes, I just remembered that I have written about this before).  My doc sent me for an MRI and it came back clean.  Of course, I was thrilled that the MRI came back okay but it didn’t relieve my fears.  After all, I AM forgetting so much regardless of what the MRI shows.  Now it just means that there isn’t an easy explanation for it.  It also doesn’t help me to know that the plaques and tangles that are indicative of Alzheimer’s can’t be seen in MRI’s AND that those plaques and tangles actually can begin to develop in the late 20′s to early 30′s.  So while we are all going about our daily lives thinking our memory loss is due to being busy, it could very well be early stages of Alzheimer’s!!  Yes, sometimes ignorance is total bliss!!

Well, my memory has not gotten any better.  I actually thought for a couple days last week that it was getting better but it has gotten worse.  For example:

  • If it isn’t written down, I won’t remember it.
  • I thought I had OCD because every single day when I leave my house, I either run back inside or turn my truck around and drive back home to check to see if I unplugged the curling iron.  I only need to check once but I have NEVER left the house confident that I unplugged the curling iron.  As hard as I try, I just can’t remember unplugging the damn thing.  I talked with my professor about this and she thinks that it is a problem with attention and mindfulness, not OCD.  That made me feel a lot better and since she told me that, I now verbalize out loud, “I am unplugging the curling iron now.”  When I leave the house, I still don’t remember unplugging the curling iron but I do remember saying that I unplugged the curling iron so I don’t need to turn around and check again.
  • My husband puts my daily pills in a little cup for me to take every morning.  I often go to take my meds and find the cup empty then have to call my husband to ask if he put the pills in the cup because I don’t remember taking them.
  • Yesterday, for a period of 5 minutes, I could not, for the life of me remember if my son’s birthday was on the 8th or the 28th of January.  Then I started to wonder if January was the correct month.  After 5 minutes, the 28th started to sound more familiar to me so I started to believe that was the correct date.  (Yes, he was born on January 28th and thankfully, I didn’t need to get on Facebook to verify if that was the correct date like I thought I would have to do.  Although typing that now, I am doubting myself again).
  • Yesterday morning, I went Christmas shopping.  I was going to get my MIL a gift card for Joann Fabrics.  I went to TJ Maxx and found something in the jewelry case that I liked for her and spent a full 15 minutes holding the item in my hand, pondering if that was a better gift.  I decided it was and was thrilled with my purchase.  As I was pulling out of the parking lot, I said to myself, “Shit!  I forgot to get my MIL her gift!  Wait?  Didn’t I just get her something?  Yes.  I got her the jewelry.  Didn’t I?”

I really don’t know what is going on with me but something is definitely wrong with my memory.  My doc said he doesn’t think natural supplements work to improve it and although I tried Luminosity.com, I never remember to go to the site.  I am trying to be more mindful.  I am trying to rely LESS on lists because I know that by leaning on that crutch, I am not exercising my brain enough.  Why would it have to remember if I write everything down for it?  But I am so scared to forget something!

How about you?  Have you had any memory problems or do you have any ideas for improving memory?  If so, leave a comment now before you forget!  =)

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December 21, 2012 | Categories: Autoimmune Disorders, communication, Control, Embarrassing, FAIL!, give me strength!, health, Just Not Right, Lupus, Mental Health, misunderstandings, My Sick Mind, Neurosis, Psychology, Sickness | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments »

Mommy Pains

My daughter got hurt in her college dance club a few weeks ago.  I wasn’t going to write about it because #1) I am so damn busy, #2) I originally thought there wasn’t much to write about, and #3) after there became much to write about, I didn’t want to upset my daughter by writing about it.  But now after all we have gone through, I am hoping that instead of yelling at me, she will read this and say

Because really, I had a nervous breakdown over this whole thing.  Twice.

She first called me about an hour after she fell.

C:  Mom, I fell in dance and I am wondering if I broke a rib.

Me:  What happened?

C:  I was doing a back flip and

You were doing a back flip???  You don’t do back flips!!!  Do you?

Well, I was being spotted.  I have been doing them all along.  

So, you were being spotted?

Yea.  Well, I fell and I think I broke a rib because it really hurts.

Did you go to the health center?

No.  I got the wind knocked out of me and I lied there for about 15 minutes then one of the girls walked me back to my dorm.

Go to Urgent Care and get X-Rays.

She went to Urgent Care.  They did an exam of her back and said her spine is fine.  They scanned her ribs and said no fractured ribs.  She had a slight fever but other than that no issues except for the pain.  They gave her pain meds and sent her home.

A few days later, she called me back saying she still has a fever and it still hurts.  She went back to Urgent Care.  They did blood work, an urinalysis, a strep test, and a flu test.  She now had blood in her urine but all other tests came back negative.  They took a CT of her kidneys to see if there was blood around them and found none.  They gave her different pain meds and sent her home.  They told her that if the pain gets worse or the fever doesn’t get better, she should go to the hospital.

She told me a friend of hers had the whole thing on video.  I told her to send me the video.

Mom, are you sure you want to see it??

Caitlin, I am sure I DON’T want to see it but I am also sure that I SHOULD see it.  As a mom and an EMT, it would be irresponsible of me to not see it.  I want to see the Mechanism of Injury.

She sent it to me.  As it turns out, I really didn’t want to see it.  The picture is grainy but it was a phone video and really, it doesn’t matter.  Enter nervous breakdown #1.

SHE LANDED ON HER FUCKING HEAD!  The sight of my baby landing on her head, the sound of her crying, and knowing that they did not call an ambulance but instead WALKED HER HOME made me so sick to my stomach.  I watched it and threw all of my homework on the floor and spent the next 2 hours crying in my bed trying not to puke.

The next day, I told her to go to the emergency room.  Keep in mind, she is still away at college.  I planned to drive out there but not knowing if she would be admitted or sent home, I decided to wait until we had some answers.  Amazingly, she was okay with me not going with her since she had other friends with her from school, thank God!  It killed me to not be there but I really was trying to be smart about all of this and not be the freakizoid parent that I truly felt like.

The wonderful doctor at the hospital looked at the scans from Urgent Care and realizing they didn’t scan her spine (and watching the video himself), he ordered a CT of her spine.  TWO spinal fractures at T-10 and T-11.  Also, a concussion and a bruised kidney.

At that point, I drove to the college and brought her home for two days.  She is now in a back brace for 5 weeks and will need physical therapy.

Caitlin, I am soooooo proud of you!!!!!  You have been sooooo brave and so strong during all of this!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I have thanked God (and all of my prayer warrior friends) that her spinal fractures were considered “stable fractures” in that there is no risk of spinal cord injury at this point.  I have tried to stop my thoughts there.  God, I have fucking tried.  But two nights ago…

…nervous breakdown #2.

My mind went there.  Oh my God, what IF she DIED??????  I have been doing my homework at the desk we put in her bedroom for the past week now.  I can sit in a chair that is better for my bad back than the bed and I can close out the dog who licks himself like his penis will be his last meal.  Well, that thought hit me while I was doing my work in her room.

I stopped working.  I cleaned up her dresser a little bit.  I looked at all of her cute little trinkets she has.  I stared at the picture of her with her boyfriend.  God, she is the most beautiful girl in the world.  Look at that smile!  I played the Winnie-The-Pooh music jewelry box I gave her when she was two and watched Winnie dance in a circle.  I sat on her bed and smelled her pillow. I finally made myself snap out of it when I realized that I was crying and I yelled at myself to knock this shit off.  She IS okay!  She DIDN’T die!  Nicki, what the hell is wrong with you???

I am an EMT.  I have seen horrible, horrible things.  This video was not gory.  There was no blood, no brains, no guts.  And yet, it was the worst thing I have ever seen.  Thank God I didn’t see a video of my son getting hit by a car while on his snowmobile!

November 15, 2012 | Categories: Dear God, Death, EMS, Family, give me strength!, health, Just Not Right, Mental Health, Mom, My Sick Mind, Neurosis, Parenting, School/College, Support, survival, tragedy, Uncategorized | Tags: , , , , , , , | 2 Comments »

Search Terms

I love that I can look up all the search terms people use that lead them to my blog.  It helps me know what the popular topics are so I can write more about them.  Tattoos and Failed Text Messages seem to be the hot ones!

It also helps me see how incredibly weird and perverted people are.

It also makes me wonder how weird and perverted I am if their weird and perverted search terms are landing them on my blog!!!!  Sometimes, I put the search term in the Google box myself to see how in the hell it pointed to me.

Don’t get me wrong; I completely understand why someone may Google “My dick hurts when I pee” or “Vampire Facelift.”  Hell, I may have to Google those myself someday!  Ya never know.  What makes me laugh, however, is that these terms and others like “big boob suspenders” somehow link up to my blog!  Fascinating!!!!

Here is my list.  I have highlighted the freaky ones!!!!

Search Views
funny text conversations 239
batman tattoo 205
batman tattoos 189
cloud tattoos 56
cloud tattoo 50
independence day 48
funny texting conversations 46
batman tattoo sleeve 38
blue jay tattoo 29
superhero tattoos 29
buddha quote tattoos 27
funny yearbook signatures 27
sistine chapel tattoo 26
god looking down tattoo 24
superhero tattoo 22
sun and cloud tattoos 20
michelangelo tattoo 18
sun and clouds tattoo 16
funny text messages 16
funny phone messages 16
funny text messages conversations 15
message fail 14
buddha quote tattoo 14
tattoo batman 14
i refuse to sink tattoo 12
failed text messages 11
text messages fail 10
angel looking down from heaven tattoo 10
sun beam tattoo 10
clouds tattoo 9
funny phone text messages 8
funny phone messages text 8
funny messages 8
sun and cloud tattoo 8
hopes and dreams tattoo 8
tattoos 8
texting miscommunication 7
three stars tattoo 7
blue jay feather tattoo 7
batman sleeves 7
funny text message 7
jay bird tattoo 7
cool batman tattoos 7
tattoo clouds 7
angel looking down tattoo 7
cherub tattoo 7
text tattoo 7
tattoo michelangelo 7
cherub tattoos 6
sun through clouds tattoo 6
buddha quotes tattoos 6
dirtymilfs 6
sun cloud tattoo 6
injured bunny 6
buddhist quote tattoos 6
god hates fags fuck this guy 6
lupus ribbon tattoo 6
tribal clouds tattoo 6
sun with clouds tattoo 5
angel in clouds tattoo 5
funny text 5
sun god tattoo 5
tattoo of baby feet with wings 5
blue jay bird tattoo 5
funny misunderstood texts 5
angel looking down 5
new school cloud tattoo flash 5
sun cloud tattoos 5
buddhist quotes tattoos 5
cute phone messages 5
sun clouds tattoo 5
dog foot cut pad 5
sun through clouds tattoo design 5
funny yearbook signing 5
two hands praying with wings and cherub for tattoo 5
batman sleeve 5
dirtymilf 5
funny texts 5
chalk pastel drawings 4
i will become what i deserve tattoo 4
pink ribbon tattoos 4
cloud tattoos sleeve 4
cupcake drawings 4
tattoos with children’s names 4
blue jay tattoos 4
lupus sucks 4
meaningful tattoos for mothers and children 4
16th chapel tattoo 4
sun shading tattoos 4
4 week weight loss challenge 4
hateful tattoos 4
my life on the n list 4
short buddhist quotes tattoos 4
cloud tattoo with sun 4
sun breaking through clouds tattoo 4
buddhist quote tattoo 4
sistine chapel angels 4
head shaved 4
tattoos of seth god of darkness 4
i love my son tattoos 4
half sleeve sun beam tattoo 4
tattoos to put around a mole 4
miscommunication from texting 4
morning poo 4
cloud and sun tattoo 4
lesbian quote tattoo 4
types of cloud tattoo 4
cupcake drawing 4
funny text conversations sample 4
“dunk tank” misery 4
cupcake wars 4
peach tree tattoo 4
enclosed porch on travel trailers 3
footprint tattoos 3
buddha tattoo quote 3
16 chapels tattoos 3
miscommunication 3
funny phone text fixes 3
batmantattoos 3
angel sleeve tattoos 3
lupus spots in back 3
miscommunication between doctor funny 3
emt heart tattoo 3
cloud birds sun tattoo 3
sun/cloud tattoos 3
funny iphone messages 3
funny texts.com 3
alopecia 3
cloud sleeve tattoos 3
http://thenlistblog.com/2012/05/08/god-hates-fags/ 3
cat rabbit comic 3
superhero sleeve tattoo 3
bird cloud tattoos 3
father’s day gift ideas philippines 3
iphone messages 3
low ceiling loft bed 3
half sleeve with footprints 3
mausoleum filing cabinets 3
cupcake art 3
clouds and sunshine tattoos 3
chalk drawings on paper 3
regular show tattoo 3
buddhist tattoo quotes 3
sun breaking clouds tattoo 3
cool superhero tattoos 3
baby footprint tattoos 3
batman son tattoos 3
big blue jay feather tattoo 3
half sleeve tattoos clouds angels 3
batman ribbon tattoos 3
i am my father’s son tattoo 3
non-trad student 3
cute yearbook signatures 3
chalk pastel drawing 3
children tattoos for mothers 3
funny pictures with text 3
sunlight coming through the clouds tattoo 3
learn from yesterday quote tattoo 3
nape hair loss anemia 3
30 day writing challenge list 3
cloud tattoo small 3
shart jokes 3
tattoo inspired from deep philosophy of buddhism. 3
tattoos of batman 3
scleroderma tattoo 3
firefighter silhouette tattoo 3
pink ribbon butterfly tattoo 3
awesome batman tattoos 3
bluejay tattoo 3
awesome batman tattoo 3
cool religious tattoos 3
angel god tattoo 3
sun through cloud tattoos 3
bitter heartless bitch funny 3
super hero tattoos 3
sistine chapel gateway to hell tattoo 3
angel chapel tattoo 3
i have yet to let politics or religion be the basis of losing a friend 3
painting gods looking down 2
religious sleeve tattoos clouds 2
ptsd ribbon tattoo 2
sun tattoo cloud 2
funny iphone texts 2
lesbian thongs 2
my cup runneth over tattoos 2
many students dressed up in footie pajamas 2
sandi beam 2
funny failed text convos 2
half sleeve tattoos dedicated to kids 2
list of hopes in life 2
angels in clouds tattoo 2
michelangelo painting tattoo 2
drawing of a cupcakes 2
grandad love my heart tattoo 2
tatuagem my mother my life 2
tattoo cloud sun breaking 2
my god tattoo 2
at least you don’t have cancer 2
taser feeling head to toe lupus 2
child lupus signs 2
cupcake wars cupcakes 2
wiping hand 2
artist drawings cupcakes 2
text tatueringar buddha 2
insult someecards 2
i love god tattoo 2
text miscommunication 2
hair is gone 2
don’t judge my past if you haven’t walked my journey tattoos 2
psoriasis at nape of neck 2
godless humor 2
suspenders overweight 2
wild coyote cartoon breaking first law of motion 2
lupus rash back of neck 2
sunshine and cloud tattoos 2
funny texts to a girl on her period 2
offensive demotivational posters 2
anger ecards 2
god looking down tattoos 2
madonna tattoos lyrics 2
tattoo bird cost 2
red red wine- ub 40 2
dont be a pussy when you eat it 2
electric communication will never be a substitute 2
tattoo quotes about love and sin 2
cloud sleeve tattoo 2
tattoo quote leg 2
quotes for remembrance mom tattoo 2
tattoo for my children 2
fear god tattoo with clouds 2
happy birthday cartoon pictures of thongs 2
tattoo bird text 2
how to speak english in oher 2
target stalking text message funny 2
had drawn cob web 2
tatouage for my mather 2
give it to god tattoos 2
my life in the fire department blog 2
funnytexts 2
yearbook signing 2
batman tattoos gallery 2
tattoo worthy quotes 2
ignorant conservative 2
tattoo just above knee 2
bucket list kalamazoo “shave my head” 2
tattoo of grandpa looking down from heaven 2
alopecia ribbon tattoo 2
batman praying 2
tattoo for my mum 2
vampire facelift and autoimmune disease 2
cherub tattoos sleeves 2
tattoo of footprints for mom 2
sun god tattoo designs 2
paw pad slice 2
fog generator garden pond 2
heaven angel themed tattoos 2
blue jays i love tattoos 2
tattoos with kids footprints 2
tattoo sleeves angels heavenly 2
opening clouds tattoo 2
gilda radner bald shaved 2
lord of the rings quote tattoos 2
angel wings footprint tattoo 2
tattoos about dreams 2
text message funny 2
footprint wing baby passed away tattoo 2
cloud tattoo colour 2
sun and moon outline tattoos 2
angel and cloud tattoo 2
cross and cloud tattoos 2
fail text messages 2
funny lesbian text joke pictures 2
baby footprint tattoos wit ribbons 2
tattoos of ladybugs orchid 2
baby angels sitting on a cloud tattoos 2
stalker text messages funny 2
steven sisskind md 2
photo of burned paw pads on dog 2
pink ribbon tattoos art 2
clouds sun tattoo 2
sistine chapel tattoos 2
lesbian tattoo 2
tattoos.i 2
buddha’s quote 2
sistine chapel painting tattoos 2
dog breath smells like vagina 2
clouds tattoos sleeve 2
despair pain sadness tattoos 2
tattoos that represent children 2
hummingbird tattoo 2
dirty vagina 2
3rd degree burn cat “paw pad” 2
fog tattoo 2
tattoo of children’s names 2
sun & clouds tattoo 2
butterfly and breast cancer tattoos 2
drawing of a highest flowers and hummingbird 2
cancer survivor quotes for tattoos 2
cherub god tattoo 2
16th chapel tattoo sleeve 2
clouds and moon tattoo 2
negative cloud tattoos 2
bluejay tattoos 2
cherubs tattoo sleeves 2
tattoo my life 2
grandpa half sleeve tattoos 2
cool yearbook signatures 2
sun coming through clouds tattoo 2
will my hair grow back sjogrens 2
feathers tattoos like angel wings 2
michelangelo sleeve tattoo 2
batman chest tattoo 2
what size do baby rabbits leave the nest 2
tattoos represent children 2
buddha footprint tattoos 2
cool tattoos dudes 2
cool weed tattoos 2
steroid syringe tattoos 2
buddha arms raised tattoo 2
cloud tattoo shading 2
fear birds tattoo quotes 2
traci tattoo 2
funny yearbook entries 2
everytime i die tattoo 2
god earth tattoo 2
cloud and sun tattoos 2
religion hysterical 2
small tattoo footprints pictures 2
wheelchair tattoos 2
life in my cone of shame 2
buddhist themed tattoos 2
witty yearbook signatures 2
tattoos of kids names for moms 2
fail text conversations 2
jaybird tattoo 2
cute text conversations 2
tattoo on my pussy 2
hilarious yearbook signatures 2
tattoo of impatiens 2
hummingbird cross tattoo 2
injured bunny’ 2
have i got lupus 2
peeta and i know it 2
buddhist quote tattoo hips 2
tattoo buddhist quotes 2
at least it’s not cancer, what to say 2
tshirt and panties lyrics 2
superheroes tattoos 2
my cup runneth over tattoo 2
quote and beams tattoo 2
cat sorry you’re allergic meme 2
sick cloud tattoos 2
bunnies that fuck 2
text tattoo lupus 2
camping with lupus 2
ecards political religious freedom 2
mlive housewife shaved hair 2
jodie marsh having cheat meal once in a week when trainning to body competition 2
boyfriend texting girlfriend in spanish funny 2
do lupus make you poop on yourself 2
sun & earth tattoo 2
tattoo fuck ups 2
cloud and sunshine tattoo 2
accidently stepped on a rabbit nest 2
cute sexual texts 2
tattoo sleeves with footprints 2
my children my life tattoo 2
my dick hurts when i pee 2
tattoo dedicated to husband 2
mother angel tattoos with lilies 2
lupus shoes 2
what do baby koi look like 2
tattoos your children’s names 2
places to get a batman tattoo 2
roseanne roseannadanna 2
tattoo de batman 2
funny text message conversation openers 2
moms with tattoo sleeves 2
holding onto anger buddha quote tattoo 2
shaved head pussy eyebrows 2
jehovah tattoos 2
psychology artwork 2
calvin and hobbes tattoos 2
funny text messages to send a guy 2
clouds and sun tattoo 2
graffiti angel god tattoos 2
freshly nape shave 2
angel charging down tat 2
the brave little toaster vhs 2
mum remembrance tattoos 2
bat tattoos behind ear 2
childrens names tattoos cherub 2
happy independence day usa 2
cloud with sun tattoo 2
i want to make a model on first law of motion 2
emt with full sleeve tattoos 2
shaving my head bald 2
tattoo bird clouds cross 2
tattoo cloud 2
clouds tattoos 2
tattoos of children’s names images on feet 2
father and baby daughter hands pressed together tattoo 2
sun face moon 2
remembrance tattoos grandma 2
cute peeta pics 2
baby rabbit with injured neck 2
heavenly fatherhood 2
superhero themed tattoo sleeve 2
mommy’s lil monkey tattoo 2
the tattoo an angel stores me 2
name in clouds tattoo 2
funny text message forwards 2
you will clean my dishes 2
donny wight pict. 2
bird tattoo that show mother love 2
tattoo with my father 2
Ангел на коленях тату 2
bruising around tattoo normal 2
ecards stupid people 2
calvin and hobbes tattoo 2
sun thru clouds tattoo 2
humanistic tattoo 2
tattoos half sleeves for girls baby footprints 2
galaxy tattoo sleeve 2
praying hands tattoo with clouds 2
asshole your ecards 2
baby feet tattoos with wings 2
religious birds tattoo 2
dogs breath smells like dirty vagina 2
jay feather tattoo 2
clever yearbook signatures 2
tattoo dream clouds 2
funny iphone conversations 2
tattoo love angel 2
my dogs breath smells like dirty vagina 2
ugly tattoo trad 2
blue cloud tattoos 2
quote tattoo spots 2
cloud sun shading for sleeve tattoos 2
drawing for kids 2
iphone funny texts break up poem 2
ripped paw pad 2
buddhist balance tattoo 2
leg sleeve tropical tattoos 2
three star tattoo 2
shingles on back of neck and head 2
god watching down tattoos 2
grandma tribal image 2
tattoo cross and angel 2
i fucked your mom tatoo 2
chalk drawing of cupcake 2
cherub tattoo with ribbons 2
angel and god sleeve tattoo 2
dream cloud tattoo 2
blue clouds tattoo 2
heart and footprint tattoo 2
spam demotivational 2
really cool batman tattoos 2
hands together tattoo 2
angel on clouds tattoo 2
loss of a baby ribbon tattoo 2
buddha tattoo quotes 2
batman ribbon tattoo 2
serious alopecia 2
clouds and sun tattoos 2
bad dreams tattoos sleeve 2
alopecia made my skin smell 2
eating disorder quote tattoos 2
tibetan medicine buddha tattoo 2
how to disguise an uneven ceiling 2
buddhist tattoo phrases 2
tattoo clouds and sun 2
eczema “ways to scratch” 2
fucking my mother 2
cupcake chalk piece 2
cupcake wars gifts 2
bird in clouds tattoo 2
buddha tattoo lines 2
good batman tattoos 2
heart tattoos representing 3 children 2
thenlistblog.com 2
sweet cloud tattoos 2
new school tattoo batman 2
dianthus bud 2
michelangelo angel tattoo 2
lupus alopecia 2
democrats do work someecards 2
mum tattoos for girls 2
sitting on my ass 2
clouds birds and life tattoos 2
big boobs suspenders 2
personal trainer ellie hopley 2
you me at six lyric tattoo 2
six fingered monkey blog 2
superhero tattoo sleeve 2
cloud sleeve outline 2
sun blue jay tattoo 2
serious text fail 2
Unknown search terms

If you haven’t checked out this information on your blog, I encourage you to do so!!!  You will be amused!!

November 12, 2012 | Categories: Blogging, Internet, Just Not Right, My Sick Mind, Tattoos, technology | Tags: , , , , , , | 4 Comments »

Why I Love Sponge Bob

I love watching cartoons, especially now that I am in Grad school and I crave to focus on something that turns my brain to a big pile of mush.  I don’t want to have to THINK ALL.THE.TIME!

I often hear people say that they hate Sponge Bob and to those people I say, “Get real, people!!!”  How could you not like him?  Because he is loud and annoying?  If that is the case then you must hate children too.

I truly believe that those who say they hate Sponge Bob fall into one of two categories:

1)  Either they secretly like him and refuse to admit it because they are putting on appearances.

OR…

2)  The stick up their ass prevents them from sitting down long enough to give the poor Porifera a chance.

Seriously, if you don’t actually watch the show long enough, you miss out on scenes like this and that, my friends, is a shame!!

You are my hero, Sponge Bob!!

Yes, you heard him right….he said “C U Next Tuesday!!!”

October 9, 2012 | Categories: Just Not Right, My Sick Mind, Parenting | Tags: , , , , , , , , | 6 Comments »

Dream

I was sitting in a hospital chair receiving one of many chemo infusions.  I was pleasantly surprised at how UNsick I felt and when it was time for my next infusion, I thought, “I really don’t know what all the hullabalu is about.  This is a piece of cake.”

It seemed like instantly, it was time for my next infusion.  For some reason, it wasn’t chemo this time.  It was radiation.  In an IV port?  Um, okay.  I accepted the drug, high on my horse about the fact that I will feel awesome when this is all done.

The nurse gave me 12 chewable disks that looked and tasted like chocolate Necco Wafers.

Ohhh….candy too!  I chowed them and started to stand up.  The nurse advised me to sit down because I was going to feel sick soon.  I read the wrapper of the candy-like discs.  ”Indications:  To treat extreme nausea and vomiting after chemotherapy.  Adults:  9 disks”

WTF?  I looked at the nurse and felt the blood drain out of my face.

So, I am going to feel really crappy really soon, huh?  I mean, the fact that you are giving me these is enough but the dosage is 9 and you gave me 12.

She nodded.  She added that there are sleeping aids in the discs too so that hopefully I will sleep off the nasty effects I am about to experience.

My fire pager went off for a call near my house.  I started to wake up and realize HOLY CRAP.  THAT WAS ONE CRAZY DREAM!!!  But when I tried to get out of bed to get dressed for the call, I felt so tired…as if I was drugged.  I remembered the Necco Wafers and told myself I shouldn’t go on this call so I went back to sleep.

The pager went off again and this time, I realized that even the Necco Wafers was a dream.  I got dressed and went to the scene but I still couldn’t shake the feeling of being drugged.

Yea….I am really looking forward to my upcoming MRI and I am not sure I will want Necco Wafers for a while!!!

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July 28, 2012 | Categories: Death, Dreams, give me strength!, Just Not Right, My Sick Mind, Sickness | Tags: , , , , , , | 4 Comments »

Even The Dog Is Celebrating!

My daughter’s High School Graduation party is this Sunday.  Although the sheer number of people attending is overwhelming and this is expensive as all hell (she has 80 that replied yes so far), at least I don’t have to make up stupid kid games for them!  We have a pool and we rented a tent, a dunk tank, 10 tables, and 40 chairs.  We have Can Jam and Frisbee for them to play.  They will have  a bonfire when it gets dark.  I have ordered a sheet cake and have arranged for the party to be catered.  So, it seems that graduates only need parents to shell out a lot of $$$ but after that is all said and done, the party should pretty much run itself!!

I did good getting this all in order and I am proud of myself.  I even made sure we had one last finishing touch.

Izzy is wearing the school colors for her big sister’s party!

She is so excited!

The best part…The school letter on her butt!!!

 

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July 13, 2012 | Categories: give me strength!, graduation, My Sick Mind, Pets | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , | 11 Comments »

Day 5 Of My 4 Week (Not Weight Loss) Challenge

I am patting myself on the back right now.

Since I began my 4 Week (Not Weight Loss) Challenge on Monday, I have not cheated more than one teaspoon of peanut butter and one lick of frosting (more on the frosting in a few minutes).

Day one was easy to follow because I was pumped.  Also because my diet has 6 small meals a day and since I only ate 2 large meals/day before this challenge, it seems like I was always eating!  I do eat often; every 2 hours.

Day two was not bad at all…nothing to report.

Day three?  I wanted to pig the fuck out and skip my cardio.  I was feeling the exhaustion and I wanted something buttery!!   But I reminded myself of my goals and it got easier!

Yesterday was day 4 and I totally nailed it.  Did everything right and reminded myself that Cheat Day is Saturday!  Woohoo!

Today is day 5.  I lost 3 pounds so far!  I am totally okay with sticking to my diet today because I know that I can eat whatever I want tomorrow.  This is good because we are going to my daughter’s college orientation and it will be hard to stick to the diet while I am out.

But a couple glitches were thrown my way and I am having an anxiety attack now.

My friend called and asked me if we were still on for tonight.  I have it in my calender that she and I are going to the movies.  I am fine with that.   I never want the popcorn.  Give me coffee and I am happy as a pig in shit.  She said, “Dinner and drinks.”  Which translates to Maria’s.

For those of you who do not live around these parts, Maria’s is unarguably the best damned Mexican Restaurant near me.  People have tried to argue with me about this and they lose every time.  If I have to drag your ass to Maria’s and shove the Holy Moly with the guacamole down your throat (I don’t care if you don’t like avocados…it is THAT good), force a beef burrito enchilada style down your throat while you are still trying to swallow the Holy Moly then funnel the pomarita down your gullet to prove to you that it is the best, then damnit, I will do just that.  And in the end, you will tell me just how fucking right I was.  Period.  End of discussion.  But beware…Maria’s has a “3 Margarita Limit” for a reason!!!!  They are oooohhhhh soooooo good and so damn strong.

I am trying to figure out how to do this.  Saying “no” to Maria’s is simply not an option.  For starters, did I mention that the food is really good there and the Margarita’s are even better?  Second, it is a tradition that Meg and I go to Maria’s.  We always go there when we go out.  One time the place was closed when we pulled up and we literally sat in the parking lot and stared at each other for 5 full minutes in silence with tears in our eyes.  Finally Meg broke the silence and said, “Now what the fuck are we going to do?”  It took us another 8 minutes to decide on another restaurant and we were miserable bitches to the poor waitress.

“Ma’am, I KNOW this is an Italian Restaurant but is it too much to ask for a Holy Moly with guac, a Pomarita and a beef burrito enchilada style?  This IS America, after all.  We are not REALLY in Italy!!”

Meg and I have recruited an uncountable number of people to this place.  It is like a fucking Maria’s cult and we are the leaders.  When we go there, the waitress doesn’t even ask us what we want.  She just brings us our orders.   If I go with someone other than Meg, the waitress gets all sorts of confused but she still nails my order every time.

So, this is one time when I MUST cheat.  I have decided that although I have stuck with my diet awesomely today and although I will be away from home tomorrow, my cheat day will be today instead of tomorrow for this week.  I can still make this work.

Shit!  Next week is Caitlin’s grad party.  On Sunday.  It is being catered.  That means my cheat day will have to be Sunday instead of Saturday.  That means that there will be 8 days in between cheat days instead of 6!!!!

I need a Xanax.

One last thing before I sign off here…

Yesterday, my daughter found a cookbook.

Thank you, Caitlin. This will go fantastically with my diet.

Today she made cupcakes for the staff at work.  Lemon cupcakes with a strawberry cream cheese frosting.  I told her to be sure she takes ALL the cupcakes to work.  She promised she would.  I wish my daughter wasn’t a big fat liar.

9 left on the toaster oven after she left for work.

I told her to make sure she cleaned out the bowl that she made the frosting in so that I wouldn’t want to lick it clean (I already had one lick).  She said she did.  She didn’t lie.  She did.  But in the fridge…

About half a gallon of the shit!!!!

I opened the lid to look at it.

Made with fresh strawberries and cream cheese!!!!! It is so pink and pretty!!!

I know…this is not her fault.  Nicki, accept responsibility and do not place blame!

I did not cheat.  I had none (aside from that one lick I just mentioned)!

And I know one graduate who won’t be having a graduation party for torturing her mother!

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July 6, 2012 | Categories: Control, friendships, give me strength!, graduation, Just Not Right, My 4 Week Challenge, My Sick Mind, Parenting, Support, survival, weight loss | Tags: , , , , , , , , , | 10 Comments »

Awards, Rectums, and Uteri

Thanks, Six-Fingered Monkey!!

I have received another blog award!!!  Thanks, Six-Fingered Monkey for picking me as one of 5 recipients, especially when there are so many award-worthy blogs out there!!!

I agree with Six that these blog awards are a bit like chain letters and when I get one, it is bitter-sweet.  I LOVE that someone loves me enough to send me an award (or maybe they just sent so many awards to others in the past that they chose me to spare the bloggers they love more the hassle of following these blog rules).  Either way, I appreciate the award because it will look so damn cool on my “Awards Page.”  But when it comes to paying it forward, I do worry that the others are quietly telling me to suck it.

I am humbly accepting Six’s award with a tweek in the rules.  This may ban me from all future awards!

The rules are:

In order to accept you must:

1. Post the rules on your blog (done).

2. Name 5 of your most fabulous moments (either in real life or in the blogosphere).

  1. When my kids were born.  I know…cliche.  Deal with it.
  2. When I competed in my bodybuilding competition
  3. When I earned my Bachelors in Psychology from an incredibly esteemed university (1 year ago)
  4. All the times I have responded to ambulance calls as an EMT and truly felt like I was helpful.  This happens a lot less than you may think because most things are out of my hands.
  5. Watching my daughter drape her silver sash and red and gold cords around her graduation gown.  That may have been THE proudest moment of my entire life.

3. Name 5 things you love.

  1. Coffee!
  2. My husband and my kids (yes, coffee comes before them).
  3. Being an EMT and the EMS Captain at the firehouse
  4. Being an artist (wishing I could do it more often)
  5. The thought of becoming a Mental Health Counselor in 2 years

4. Name 5 things you hate.

  1. Haters.  People who hate GROUPS of people just for the sake of hating a group of people.  I hate that group of people.  I know….you don’t have to tell me about the irony here.
  2. The fear that I will not become a Mental Health Counselor in 2 years as planned.
  3. LUPUS
  4. That sleep is necessary.  I do love to sleep but I hate that I NEED to sleep.
  5. When people mistreat the elderly and this includes treating them like children!!!!!!!

5. Pass the ribbon on to 5 bloggers and leave a comment notifying them of their win.

  1. All Work And No Play Makes Mommy Go Something Something.  
  2. Colour the day
  3. Absolutely Narcissism
  4. We Work For Cheese
  5. If I Were God

So go check out these awesome blogs!!!!

If you received this award from me, here are your rules:

1) Copy and paste and conform to the rules above (or)

2) Toss the rules to the side of the road and do whatever the hell you want with it!!

Now…onto some more serious business.  Rectums and Uteri.  I am not sure if “uteri” is the proper plural for “uterus” but it isn’t underlined (so I am assuming it is spelled correctly) and it sounds way cooler than “uteruses” which, by the way, IS underlined.

I was visiting Sandra over at Absolutely Narcissism (linked at #3 above) and she is taking part in a competition or event of sorts that is sure to make rectums and uteri fall out.

So, now I have a visual of asses and uteri on the side of the road.  And I thought the occasional ‘possum or skunk was bad!

 

Today’s prompt for the 30 Days of Writing Challenge hosted by We Work For Cheese is “The side of the road.”

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June 27, 2012 | Categories: Awards, Blogging, Bodybuilding, Bucket Lists, Control, Embarrassing, EMS, friendships, graduation, Hopes and Dreams, Just Not Right, Memes, My Sick Mind, Non-Trad, Parenting, Psychology, School/College | Tags: , , , , , , , | 13 Comments »

Reasons I Have Cried This Weekend And Will Cry Again Today; A Top 5 List

I should say that it doesn’t take much for the water works to turn on with me.  I am an incredibly emotional person.  Consider yourself warned!

5) Yesterday was a horrible Lupus day.  Everything in my entire body hurt and my strength was non-existent.  Until about midnight when the Captain and Cokes set in.

Thanks, Sands, for this incredibly unattractive pic of me!!

4)  My husband farted when I got into bed at 3:30 this morning.   Luckily for me, we had a call and I had a reason to leave the stench.  Now my bowel is more irritable than normal and payback is a bitch!

3)  My mother-in-law who has a nose like a dog will be in my truck today and I somehow have to make it smell like someone has not had a cigarette in there because she doesn’t know I smoke.

2)  Today’s prompt for the 30 Days of Writing Challenge hosted by We Work For Cheese is “Roast/Toast Another Blogger” and Nicky toasted me!!!!  I am so touched!!!

1) My baby girl went from this

Caitlin at 4 weeks

And this

11 months

To this

18 years

And this

Senior Ball

ALL IN THE BLINK OF AN EYE!

AND TODAY, SHE IS GRADUATING FROM HIGH SCHOOL!

I am going to be a blubbering mess!!

And now, because I have this commercial in my head, you can too.  You are welcome.  For the record, the writers of this commercial are heartless assbags!!!

I already cried watching this!

 

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June 24, 2012 | Categories: Blogging, Embarrassing, friendships, give me strength!, graduation, Hopes and Dreams, Just Not Right, Lupus, Memes, My Sick Mind | Tags: , , , , , , , , | 10 Comments »

I Was A Zombie For A Day.

I am not sure when it all started but about 10 years ago, I became obsessed with the idea that my husband and I needed to buy our burial plots.  Immediately.  I started looking for the perfect Retirement Home for us.  I went  alone because at the age of 30, he thought I was nuts being a bit premature.

I started thinking about the comfort of the people left behind after I die and thought that people would be much more comfortable in a Mausoleum than outside, especially in the winter (because OF COURSE oodles of people will want to visit me after I die).  I started pricing the Filing Cabinet Drawers as I like to call them.

Mausoleum at Holy Sepulchre

The drawers go all the way up to the ceiling.  The ones at the top are the least expensive.  The ones at the floor are the second least expensive and the ones at eye level are most expensive.  I had to laugh at the idea that the eye level drawers were considered “Prime Real Estate” but I was not laughing at all at the prices.  If I wanted to buy one at that time, it would have to be the one at the ceiling.  My family would have to bring scaffolding if they wanted to sit with me.

I decided to consider the outdoor plots.  My entire family (just about) had been buried at Holy Sepulchre.  It really is a beautiful cemetery but I decided to look at White Haven as well.  White Haven is a bit different.  They do not allow any raised markers (tomb stones) nor do they allow any planting of flowers or other “lawn trash.”  The whole place looks like a park instead of a cemetery.  They even call it a “Memorial Park” rather than a cemetery.

White Haven Ground Burial Site

I got such a calm feeling being there and I thought “THIS is it!”

Then in 2006, my mother died.  She was just shy of 64.  She was buried in the ground at Holy Sepulchre.

Mom’s headstone.

I decided that I wanted to spend the following Mother’s Day with my mom.  I packed some flowers and gardening tools, a lunch, a blanket, a book, a journal, and a blanket.  The weather was beautiful.

I arrived at about 10am.  I planted some flowers, sat on the blanket and read my book, wrote a letter to Mom in my journal and just took everything in.  It was so peaceful and I felt closer to my mom than I had in a long time.  Then I lied on the blanket and took a nap.

I woke up to some guy yelling, “THAT ONE JUST MOVED!!!”  I sat up and he was staring at me.  He yelled, “Oh my God!  You scared the shit out of me!  I thought you was dead!!!!”  I laughed hysterically and yelled back, “What did you think?  They just forgot to bury me or that I am a zombie?!”

Mom and I certainly enjoyed the laugh at the poor guy’s expense!

It was then and there that I decided that a ground plot where people are allowed to plant flowers was the place for me.  Because my mom was in the ground in a place where gardening is allowed, I got to spend 8 hours just hanging out with her in the gorgeous weather, playing pranks on the other visitors!  I don’t want to rob my kids of the opportunity to scare the ever-loving shit out of someone like that when I die!!

This post is for The 30 Days of Writing Challenge hosted by We Work For Cheese.  Today’s prompt is “Hanging out in the cemetery.”

June 16, 2012 | Categories: Control, Death, Embarrassing, FAIL!, Flowers, Gardening, Gifts, give me strength!, God and Christianity, Hopes and Dreams, Just Not Right, Memes, Mom, My Sick Mind, Spring, Support, survival | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , | 10 Comments »

Father’s Day Gift

My Father-In-Law has Parkinson’s and Lewy Body Disease.

He is in a nursing home.

He is only 64.

This breaks my heart because he is DAD to me and has been for the past 24 years.

I have never really known what to get him for gifts and now it is even more difficult to figure out what will make him smile.

His collection of shirts is the envy of all who see it.

Here are a few of his shirts:

I support the right to arm bears

This is funny because my Mother-In-Law always insisted he get out of bed by 8am…only to sit around the house all day.

I wanted to get him this shirt by Aunt Becky but I am pretty sure it wouldn’t go over well at the nursing home…or with my Mother-in-Law

Shut Your Whore Mouth

I decided to draw him a picture.

Dad has always loved trains.

When he was well, he gave my son a Brio train set.  He was soooo happy to be able to give that to my son.

We recently gave it to Chandler’s cousin and Dad was happy again to see another grandchild inherit the gift.  Even with his dementia being as progressed as it is, he was completely aware of how special it was to see Chandler give his gift to his little cousin.  Dad talked about the time when he gave it to Chandler with perfect clarity and he had a big smile on his face.  It was wonderful.

I was going to draw a picture of a real train but I decided that Dad would be happier with a picture that reminded him of that Brio set and all that it means to us.

So I drew him this.  It just needs a frame.

I really think he is going to like it!!

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June 13, 2012 | Categories: Art, Family, Gifts, My Sick Mind | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments »

The Evolution of Yearbook Signing

I have recently linked up with We Work For Cheese’s 30 Days Of Writing Challenge and by “recently” I mean just now.  The challenge began on June 1st and lucky for me, there are no rules (Nobody is the boss of me!) so, I am starting now.  On June 9th.  Also, I just posted about yearbook signing so I want to use this post for the challenge…since there are no rules.  AND, today’s prompt is “Magic Carpet” but I like the prompt “Excess” for this post.  So…since there are NO RULES, I am going to take my blog post on a MAGIC CARPET ride over to June 7th when the prompt was Excess.  See how I did that?  Crafty, huh?

It is that time of year.  Proms, graduations, and yearbook signing.

I was recently at my friend’s house.  She is 31 years older than I and she graduated from an all girls Catholic school.  Her yearbook was out while I was at her house and me being the stalker interested friend that I am, I nosed through the book and read the entries her friends left.

They were all the same.

“Good luck in the future and God bless.”  Some people were creative and switched it up a bit.  ”Good luck in the business world.  God bless.”

I thought, “How nice.”  Then I sort of chuckled at how my signatures are so different from hers.

I have excessively read the entries in my yearbooks.  EVERY comment in EVERY yearbook that I can reach in my closet.  And now, I will excessively post them here.  For you.  You’re Welcome.

7th Grade:

Dear Nicki,

What you get is what you see,

But anyways remember me

Call me up some time this summer

Cuz on vacation I’m a whole lot funner! 

Hi Frosty,

I frosted my hair in the 7th grade.  Remember that shit?  It turned my head orange. It was actually a bottle of Sun-In.  I used an EXCESSive amount of Sun-In.

Well, it has been fun teasing you all year and I hope I can next year too. 

Nicki,

It has been a real pleasure living with you these past 13 years.  Hope you have as much fun the next place you go live.  Ha ha!

Love, 

Your Mother

Nicki, 

John and me think you and Kerry are lessies (His spelling, not mine).  Have a good summer. 

Nicki,

I don’t really know you but you seem really nice.  Thanks for letting me use your sneaks.  LYLAS.

LYLAS.  Remember that?  It stood for “Love Ya Like A Sis” which is kinda funny cuz she said she didn’t really know me.

8th Grade

Nicki,

You’re a real good friend!  You can make anyone laugh on a bad day and I hope you keep that up!  Love ya dearly, not queerly.

Nicki, 

I know that you get away with murder in here but, he sees you doing it the whole time and can’t do anything about it!  Have a fun summer!  

I am guessing the “he” was the teacher.

Nikki,

Remember Grant, Remember me.  The hell with them, remember me!

Hi Nikki,

Mr. Bott evolved from an ape!  Really!  Have a great summer!

Nicki,

Thanks for calling me a duck all year.  Gym has been mediocre.

Nicki (The Bouncer),

She was referring to my boobs.  I had an EXCESS of boobage in the 8th grade.

I think Mr. Moran is really starting to like you (haha!).  What luck, right?  I hope to see you next year.

Nicki, 

I agree with Tammy.  I think Mr. Moran does like you.  Hope you have a great summer.

Mr. Moran hated me!!

Nicki,

What the fucks up?  How would you like to have a party this summer?  have a fuckin’ great and partying summer.  PS. PARTY!

Nicki, 

Roses are red, violets are blue.  In 95 years, you’ll be dead.

Nicki, 

You are so mint!  But so is Bob.  But so is Don.  The summer will be great!  Don’s mint.  But so is Bob.

Nicki, 

You’re really cool!  You are a funny gal!  I am glad we are friends.  Sorry about your shoe at the concert.

I wish I could remember what happened with my shoe!

Nicki, 

Have a wild and crazy summer with me!  I mean it!  True love always, The Mint Bob

Nicki, 

You’re a really neat person.  Thanks for picking up the lettuce.  Good luck with Bob.

There was an EXCESS of “Bob comments” that year but it was all good.

Nicki, 

I would write something about Mr. Moran but I didn’t have him.  Oh well!  Call me!

Nicki, 

Have a great summer.  DON’T GET LAID!

HIGH NICKI!

Nicki,

(Written in the crack of the book) Bet you haven’t had anyone write in your crack before!

9th Grade

Hey Nicki,

What’s up?  Not much here!  Did you know that school is a bitch.  Oh…and thanks for getting us busted (just kidding).

He was soooo NOT kidding!

Nicki,

Hi.  How’s your life?  The dance was great.  You have to come over again.  I hope you get off your grounding soon (in reference to the previous entry)!  I am really glad we’re friends.  We will probably talk to each other every day.  Have a great summer!!

Nicki, 

Ms. Maresca is going to have a break down because you, Jen and Colleen are so bad.

Nicki, 

Hey Juvie!!  What’s up?  I am so glad we were in at least one class together!  I am glad we became friends and hope we stay that way!

I got in an EXCESSIVE amount of trouble in the 9th grade.

 Ok…this one is long but so worth it!

Niggs,

It’s been quite the year but went by so fast.  Not bad though.  We only got in one fight this year.  I’m really glad we stayed friends all this time.  We were made for each other.  Although that’s what everyone said about me and Don.  Now he could give two shits if I live or die.  I am really glad you are going out with Tony and I hope it lasts.  Bon Jovi is mint!   But so is Don, Pete, Pat, Rob, etc.  Oh but we can’t forget Dick, Tony and Jack.  We better have a wild summer.  You know, like awesome man.  Well, it’s like I’m running out of room man.  Love ya forever.  Bag your face!!  No one loves me.  You love Tony.  I lust Bon Jovi.

10th Grade

Niggy-Nik!

Hey bitch!  Well, another awesome year come and gone!  Spanish was wild (even though it wasn’t as great as last year-Ms. Fabrizio was too tolerant)!….Well, as usual, you went through quite the array of “boyfriends” and I stuck with ya through ‘em all!………………………….

Let the record show that I did NOT have an excessive amount of boyfriends.  You will note the quotations around that word!  I had a shit-ton of crushes but it appeared that there was a bit of a boyfriend drought for me for a while.

Nicki, 

Your hair looks like shit!  Just kidding.  Next year get up at 6:00 so you can do your make-up at home, cuz there are no steep hills on the way to school.  You made the bus ride a blast for the past two years.  You better ride it next year!  Stay cute!!

This was my hubby’s entry before he was my boyfriend.

Hola Nica!

Espanol was muy fun!  Sorry I am such a brain.  The bus was a blast-especially mocking out Steve.  Have fun driving this summer even though you can’t reach the pedals.  Let’s get some Rumple Minz for up in the fort this summer.  See ya.

Nicki, 

Hope you get your license soon so I can race you in Steve’s car!  This year on the bus kicked ass.  We had a lot of fun mocking out everybody (no names mentioned)!  I am sure I will see you over the summer.  Later on.

Nicki (Loud Fart), 

You have been a great friend even though I am MISERABLE!  PS.  Why do you have such big farts?!?  BEHAVE!  Don’t date any more jerks!  

Apparently, my farts were EXCESSIVE.

Niki,

Yes, another year down the toilet.  I’m glad I met you in art cuz it would have been so boring without you.  I can’t believe I passed art.  I personally think you are a really good artist.  don’t listen to Mrs. Brunner-it’s all the drugs and peace she was into.  I’ll miss you lots!

11th Grade

This one was long so I cut a lot out.

Nicki, 

Bweeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!  Hey you little gimp!  How is your life at home?…….Next year we are gonna be big seniors!!!  I guess we will have to start acting more mature!  Nahhhhhh.  We are kind of known for our loud, annoying ways!………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….


Not many more signatures that year because I nearly killed myself from a fall of 20 feet and suffered EXCESSIVE injuries, and wasn’t in school.  Most of the ones I got were telling me to get well and I better be in school the following year.

Unfortunately, I can’t reach the shelf where my Senior Yearbook is sitting (much like I couldn’t reach the pedals in the car) so I can’t add those entries but I think you get the picture of how colorful my signatures are compared to someone who graduated from an all girls Catholic school 30 years before I did!

How about you?  Do you have any memorable signatures in your yearbook?  I would LOVE to read them!!!!

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June 8, 2012 | Categories: communication, Embarrassing, friendships, graduation, Hopes and Dreams, Just Not Right, My Sick Mind, Stalking, Support, survival | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments »

It’s Official. I Don’t Have Lupus. I Am A Vampire

I have been doing some thinking and I have come to the conclusion that none of my doctors know what the hell they are talking about.  Luckily, I do know a thing or three about medicine.  I have decided that I do NOT have Lupus (yayyy!!!).  I am a vampire.  I always suspected it because the sun is my kryptonite and I used to joke that my next coffee table will be a coffin.  But now, I am sure of it.  How you ask?

Well, I did some research on the Random Facts website (http://facts.randomhistory.com/2009/05/02_vampires.html).  Here are the top 14 reasons that I am a vampire.

#14)  A group a vampires has variously been called a clutch, brood, coven, pack, or a clan

I often refer to myself as the “leader of my pack” and my dog totally sees me as such.

#13)  Probably the most famous vampire of all time, Count Dracula, quoted Deuteronomy 12:23: “The blood is the life.

I too, have quoted Deuteronomy…just not 12:23

#12)  The Muppet vampire, Count von Count from Sesame Street, is based on actual vampire myth. One way to supposedly deter a vampire is to throw seeds (usually mustard) outside a door or place fishing net outside a window. Vampires are compelled to count the seeds or the holes in the net, delaying them until the sun comes up.

The Count was my favorite muppet character!!!  I loved him way more than I loved Grover and I want to bash Elmo’s face in.

#11)  Documented medical disorders that people accused of being a vampire may have suffered from include haematodipsia, which is a sexual thirst for blood, and hemeralopia or day blindness. Anemia (“bloodlessness”) was often mistaken for a symptom of a vampire attack

I have not developed a sexual thirst for blood (yet.  I am a relatively young vampire…only 40) but I am anemic and my doctor always tells me that I need more red blood (cells).

#10)  One of the most famous “true vampires” was Countess Elizabeth Bathory (1560-1614) who was accused of biting the flesh of girls while torturing them and bathing in their blood to retain her youthful beauty. She was by all accounts a very attractive woman.

I too try to retain my youthful beauty and I AM by all accounts a very attractive woman.  Well, at least by my accounts and my boy dog who has a major Oedipus Complex.

#9)  A vampire supposedly has control over the animal world and can turn into a bat, rat, owl, moth, fox, or wolf.

I have within my house or my yard (and I shit you not) 3 dogs, 2 tree frogs, 2 fish in an aquarium, 4 Koi in my pond, a baby bunny, a fox, a woodchuck, skunks, a few chipmunks, squirrels, ducks, deer, birds galore, the occasional wild turkey, and a mangy coyote.  I have also had pet mice, hamsters, geckos, a parakeet, a cockateil,  and a guinea pig.

#8)  Joseph Sheridan Le Fany’s gothic 1872 novella about a female vampire, “Carmilla,” is considered the prototype for female and lesbian vampires and greatly influenced Bram Stoker’s own Dracula. In the story, Carmilla is eventually discovered as a vampire and, true to folklore remedies, she is staked in her blood-filled coffin, beheaded, and cremated.

My middle name is Carmela.  Close enough!

 #7)  After the advent of Christianity, methods of repelling vampires began to include holy water, crucifixes, and Eucharist wafers. These methods were usually not fatal to the vampire, and their effectiveness depended on the belief of the user.

Although I was baptized Catholic, I never received Communion.  Additionally, I am not Catholic anymore (independent Christian) and I do not believe the Crucifix is a proper symbol of Christianity.

#6)  That sunlight can kill vampires seems to be a modern invention, perhaps started by the U.S. government to scare superstitious guerrillas in the Philippines in the 1950s. While sunlight can be used by vampires to kill other vampires, as in Ann Rice’s popular novel Interview with a Vampire, other vampires such as Lord Ruthven and Varney were able to walk in daylight.

I am able to walk in daylight but too much sun will kill me.

#5)  The legend that vampires must sleep in coffins probably arose from reports of gravediggers and morticians who described corpses suddenly sitting up in their graves or coffins. This eerie phenomenon could be caused by the decomposing process.

I sit up suddenly while I am sleeping.  Especially if I have to pee or I hear a noise.

 #4)  Hollywood vampires are typically pale, aristocratic, very old, need their native soil, are supernaturally beautiful, and usually need to be bitten to become a vampire.

I am freakishly pale for an Italian and I don’t tan; I burn.  I feel very old, I have lived in the same town my entire life and I am even supernaturally beautiful.  Well, I think I am kinda good looking and although my beauty may not be SUPERnatural, it is UNnatural.  I had a tummy tuck.

#3)  The most popular vampire in children’s fiction in recent years had been Bunnicula, the cute little rabbit that lives a happy existence as a vegetarian vampire.

PEETA????  For those of you who do not know, Peeta is the baby bunny I rescued, raised for 12 days, and I believe is the one living in my front yard now.

#2)  A rare disease called porphyria (also called the “vampire” or “Dracula” disease) causes vampire-like symptoms, such as an extreme sensitivity to sunlight and sometimes hairiness. In extreme cases, teeth might be stained reddish brown, and eventually the patient may go mad.

I have extreme sensitivity to sunlight, the hair ON MY HEAD is very thick (even with the occasional bald spots), my teeth are stained a bit…always thought that was coffee but now I know better…and I am ALWAYS going mad.  Hence, the Xanax.

And the #1 reason I am a vampire…

I had my fire department physical last night.  The woman told me, “Your eyesight sucks but your hearing is incredible.  I bet nothing gets past you!  I can imagine that even the slightest sounds drive you nuts (YUPPP!!!).  YOU HAVE THE EYES AND EARS OF A BAT!”

And now that I want to watch this movie again, you can too!

Related articles

June 6, 2012 | Categories: Alopecia, Animals, Autoimmune Disorders, Baby Animals, Death, God and Christianity, Just Not Right, Lupus, My Sick Mind, Pets, Sickness, Vampires | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 8 Comments »

DSMatize Me

“DSMatize Me” 

Medium:  Cardboard (pre-made) book shell, Polymer clay, paper, gloss medium

My sculptured book telling my feelings about the DSM.

The DSM is the Psychology Bible and although I understand its usefulness (at times), mostly I just can’t stand the book and its use. I believe it overshadows the humanism in the field of counseling. Instead of encouraging the counselor and worse, the client to see the client as a human being, it encourages the use of labeling the client as “disordered.”  Of course, the book fights against this accusation by placing a clause in it stating that we are to refer to someone as a “person with schizophrenia” rather than “schizophrenic” but we all know that is just to cover its ass.

I DO recognize that there are some very real disorders in this book.  I also recognize that there are some really bogus ones in here and I also recognize that if we look hard enough, there is not one person alive that would not be diagnosed with a psychological disorder.

This book is MY interpretation of the book’s interpretations. I suspect if I were to be officially diagnosed using this book as a guide, I would look something like this.

June 1, 2012 | Categories: Anger, Art, communication, Just Not Right, misunderstandings, My Sick Mind, Psychology, Sickness | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments »

Roughin’ It

I went camping this past weekend.  I used to think that I wasn’t the camping type.  I mean, the bugs, the dampness, the heat, the cooking, the bathroom situation, the sleeping arrangements…it was always a bit too cavemanish for me.  But, as I have grown and (ah-hem) matured, I am proud to say that I have become a bit more open-minded to camping.  So I went and I am proud to say that despite the less-than-perfect conditions, I survived!!!  Once you see the pics of our camp, I am sure you will agree that I was quite the trooper!!  It sure is good to be back home to the modern-day conveniences!!

 

The wood shed. There is a snake in there.

Bathroom #1: The toilet seat gets cold and there is a spider near the toilet.

The heated garage with the floor drain. The garage door makes a creaky noise that is unpleasant to my ears.

The bed that is as hard as a rock and slopes to the right so I wake up in a different spot than where I fell asleep.

The living room. The recliner sometimes falls all the way back with me in it and I can’t get the foot rest thingy back down without help.

The ladder to the loft. It gets scary on the top rung.

The fireplace for cold days. I don’t know how to turn it on so my husband or son have to do that for me.

The rest of the living room. The floor is uneven and there are sometimes bugs by the window.

The coat rack. The hooks are hard for me to reach.

The dining area. That window has a cob web on it.

The kitchen The microwave heats unevenly and the running water smells yucky.

The laundry room. Sometimes the washing machine gets unbalanced and makes a banging noise.

The enclosed porch. There was a spider on the couch!

The other bathroom. The toilet gets air bubbles in it and the mirror is too high on the wall so I need to take it down to see in it.

The shower. I don’t use the shower on account of smelly well water. I shower my ripe ass when I get home.

The ceiling fan. Dust might fly off of it while in use. Ew.

The TV in the bedroom. Still uses VHS and sometimes there is an annoying fuzzy line in the picture. “Auto tracking” my ass!

The loft that now has 2 twin-sized mattresses added. Low ceiling alert and I find the occasional mouse turd.

So, as you can clearly see, I endured torture while I was roughing it.  But being the good sport I am, I hardly complained the entire weekend!

 

 

Related articles

May 30, 2012 | Categories: camping, My Sick Mind, our camp | Tags: , , , | 2 Comments »

Lupus: My Blessing In Disguise

There is no doubt about it.  Lupus sucks donkey balls.  Hair loss and skin lesions are only the MINOR issues.  Sure, those are the things that others see and may be the ONLY reminders to people around me that I am sick.  But as horrible as they are, they really are just annoyances in the overall scheme of the illness.

The REAL issues are the ones that nobody sees.  The joint pain, the neck pain, the headaches, the incredible fatigue, the BRAIN FOG…OMG, the brain fog!  The frustration that I can’t do what I want or remember what it is I wanted to do.  The frustration and…shit, I can’t remember the word.  Give me a second here.  Ummmm….the….the…dread?  Sure, we’ll go with ‘dread’ because it is close enough.  The frustration and the dread….no, that’s not it.  The shame guilt depression DESPAIR (I literally just went to Thesaurus.com to find that word)!  The frustration and despair I feel every time I realize that I can’t do all the things I want to do.  Fuck…the embarrassment of realizing that I just mentioned that a few sentences ago and didn’t remember that.  The constant knowing that Lupus affects EVERY system in my body.  Thinking about irreversible lung damage with every cough.  Will every twinge in my chest turn into a heart attack?  The FEAR that my illness will progress even more.

I am not afraid THAT this disease will claim my life.  In fact, I have pretty much come to terms with the idea that it will some day.  What I am afraid of is HOW it will claim my life.  I won’t be feeling terrific one day and be gone the next.  I am convinced my death will be a slow and painful one.

So, how the hell is this disease a BLESSING?  How can I possibly look on the bright side here?

For starters, I have to.  If I constantly obsess over the crap that has been handed to me or wonder if I did something to cause this (if only I didn’t go back to school, maybe I wouldn’t have been so stressed and that Lupus gene could have stayed quietly tucked away in my body, never to be seen), and never look for the blessings that came from this, I would simply give up.  I would deprive myself, my family, my friends, and my Father in Heaven of all the good I have to offer (even if my offerings have to come in smaller doses now because I am feeling warn out).  And the fact of the matter is that there IS good in this diagnosis.  I have to really look for it and I am sure others around me don’t always see it the way I do but the good is there.

Perspective.  I NOW understand that sweating the small stuff is a total waste of time.  I also see how things that I used to see as big really are actually small in the over all scheme of things.

Self-Forgiveness.  When I do things, I DO THINGS.  Go big or stay home is my motto.  If I am going to do something, I am going to do it right, damnit.  Unfortunately, my way of having to do things perfectly causes stress and exertion and Lupus will jump all over that shit!  Although I still beat myself up for not having the physical ability to do things perfectly, I am constantly reminding myself that it is out of necessity, not laziness, that I can’t do things the way I used to.

Self-Care.  Call it selfishness if you want but I need to come first.  As a wife, mother, sister, aunt, niece, daughter-in-law, sister-in-law, friend, EMT, EMS Captain, lover of animals and wanter of making the world a better place, this is THE MOST DIFFICULT gift for me to accept.  Luckily for me, it is becoming easier for me to 1) believe that I AM important enough to put my needs first at times and 2) remember that if I put myself at risk, I won’t be available to help others and 3) rest without feeling guilty about it.

I don’t answer the phone when it rings if I don’t want to (and yes, I hear the phone ringing now.  If it is you calling me, I am choosing to ignore it because I come first today).  I say things like, “I am sorry but I won’t plan a family get-together at my house.”  I still feel bad that I am letting others down and I hate that although people say they understand, the look of disappointment and frustration in their faces tell me that they will NEVER understand unless they have Lupus.  Regardless, I am now able to say “no” when I couldn’t before.  I also realize that when I say “no” to people, it is up to THEM, not me to handle that.  I took care of me, now you can take care of you.

I spend a lot of time resting now.  My husband wakes me up every day with my coffee, my meds, and sometimes breakfast.  I spend most of my day propped up in my bed with my laptop, coffee, TV, and cross-stitching.  I relax.  A LOT.  If I feel like it (and ONLY if I feel like it), I do some chores and run some errands.  I go on ambulance calls when my body can handle it.  I pamper myself and I allow my husband to pamper me.

Appreciation For My Family.  And by “family” I mean my husband and my children.  This goes back to Perspective.  I come first (because I have to), my husband and children come second.  If I have the physical and mental energy for the rest of the world, they all will come third, fourth, and so on.  But if I don’t?  I still love you.  I still want good things to happen for you but sorry, you didn’t make the cut.  I only have so much to give and I will give to me and the wing-nuts living under my roof that either put a ring on my finger or slid out of my vagina first.  End of discussion.  Why?  Because when Lupus finally does take me away from this place, my husband and my children can say things like, “God, she was such hard work.  She was bitchy, sometimes selfish, and totally neurotic but she loved and appreciated the fuck out of us!”  And THAT is really all that matters to me.

May 24, 2012 | Categories: Autoimmune Disorders, Death, Hopes and Dreams, Lupus, My Sick Mind, Sickness, Support | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 12 Comments »

The Problem With Texting

Electric communication will never be a substitute for the face of someone who with their soul encourages another person to be brave and true.
~Charles Dickens

I have mixed feelings about texting.  I think it is great that:

  1. We can quickly get in touch with someone
  2. We can check that our children are safe
  3. We can have conversations without everyone around hearing
  4. We can send the same message to multiple people without making a crap-load of phone calls

Sometimes, text messages can provide us with some incredible comic relief.

But there is a HUGE downside to texting.  To see my artwork that addresses this, click HERE.  For instance, I am willing to bet that this text caused some unnecessary mental trauma…even if only briefly.

And sometimes texting causes us to reveal things about ourselves that we were not ready to reveal.

But the biggest issue I have with texting is that it lacks all the NECESSARY ingredients of GOOD communication that we can only get in face-to-face conversations!

  1. Tone.  How many times have you or the person you were texting gotten pissed off or felt like a knife just went through your (or his/her) heart because of a text?  And how many times was it just a big misunderstanding simply because the sender’s tone was not clear?  We can’t convey sarcasm and sincerity in a text.  Our jokes come across as insults.  Our sincere apologies come across as sarcasm.
  2. Body Language.  Our conversations rely very heavily on body language which is not visible in a text.  Someone had recognized the importance of body language and invented emoticons but those don’t even come close to those very small nuances that help us learn more about what people are feeling while they talk such as arms folded, feet shuffling, eye gaze (or avoiding eye gaze), tears, fidgeting, clenching fists, etc.
  3. SILENCE!  Silence in a face-to-face talk is incredibly powerful and incredibly important.  It is just as important (if not more) than the talking.  Think back to some deep conversations you have had.  What occurred during the silence?  Usually silence is filled with such reflection and emotion that it can lead to revelations, epiphanies, and change in attitude.  My most productive conversations were those that included long periods of silence.  How is silence handled in a text message?  How many times were you dishonest to yourself or the person on the other end because you wanted to send a quick reply?  Probably the most frequent dishonest reply we send is, “that’s okay.”  I know I have sent that many times with tears streaming down my face and feeling like that was definitely NOT okay!  And if the reply isn’t quick because you were deep in thought or overwhelmed with emotion, have you replied, “sorry it took so long to get back to you.  I was busy.”
  4. Just as bad is when the receiver really was busy, was away from their phone, or didn’t hear that they had a message and the reply is delayed.  The sender spends what seems like a lifetime imagining all the horrible reasons why the receiver hasn’t replied yet!
Just a sampling of conversations that should have been held face-to-face

AND HERE IS THE OUTCOME!  WE LOSE OUR CLOSENESS AND INTIMACY AND WE BECOME DISTANT AND ISOLATED STRANGERES.

“Sometimes I feel like a stranger to you.”

What are your thoughts about communicating through text messages?  Have you ever had any conversations go in the wrong direction because of the issues I mentioned?  Of course, you are free to share your funny/embarrassing texts too!  =)

May 12, 2012 | Categories: communication, Embarrassing, FAIL!, Just Not Right, My Sick Mind, technology, texting, tragedy | Tags: , , , , , , | 4 Comments »

THIS

Image

REMINDS ME OF THIS

(Although I have seen the Time Magazine image a lot today, I first saw it on this page at the Blog called Random and Sundry Things).

May 11, 2012 | Categories: Breastfeeding & Weaning, Just Not Right, My Sick Mind, Parenting | Tags: , , , | 2 Comments »

An Awesome Mother’s Day Gift – I KNEW He Loved Me!

Ever since my son was 3 months old (and my daughter was 4), I have been a volunteer FF/EMT for the fire department.  I love the snot out of it!  Yeah, there is the cliche…I love knowing that I am helping others…but I love it for more selfish reasons than that.  Reasons other fire/EMS people are less likely to share because, well, it makes them sound selfish.  What are those selfish reasons I speak of?

  1. Being part of a family that will call me “Crack-Head” one minute and would kill to help me out in a moment’s notice the next.
  2. Being called “Captain”
  3. Feeling like I am a part of something bigger than me
  4. Having people pull over for me because at that very moment in time, I am pretty important and I have someplace to be in a hurry.
  5. THE RUSH
  6. The unpredictable nature of the job
  7. Pride in knowing that I can do such an unpredictable job
  8. Wearing the uniform (See #’s 3 and 7)
  9. Having an excuse to leave anxiety-provoking family events when the pager goes off (Sorry Honey, 911 is open 24/7 .  There is nothing I can do about it).
  10. Feeling productive
  11. Knowing that if my power goes out at home, I always have a place to stay with a generator.
  12. Etc.

Our fire department has an explorer post and for a while now, I have been hoping my son would join it but really thinking that it was just wishful thinking.  Over the past few weeks, I have been REALLY promoting the idea.  He has acted very interested but when it actually comes time to walk away from the video game to observe a drill to see if he would want to join, he is all, “MOM!  I don’t want to join!”

Don’t get me wrong.  I wouldn’t force him to join but I KNEW that he only denied interest because of that damned video game.  I KNEW that if he tried it out, he would like it.

Last night, my husband tried to convince him to go again.  He dug his heals in and refused and there was nothing that could be said to change his mind….except…

My husband:  ”Mom won’t bother you again about it but she is disappointed that you won’t try it.”

My son:  ”I will try it tonight for her.  It can be her Mother’s Day present.”

I was sooooooo excited that he agreed and sooooooooo touched that he didn’t want me to feel disappointed.  I thanked him profusely and promised that if he didn’t like it, he would never hear another word from me about it again.

He liked it and wants to join!!!!  He has no idea how much he is going to like being a part of something bigger than him.

May 11, 2012 | Categories: EMS, Fire Department, Firefighting, Hopes and Dreams, Mother's Day, My Sick Mind, Parenting | Tags: , , , , , , | 2 Comments »

I Have To Stimulate His What? Bunny Rescue Part 2

Baby Peeta with Cousin Carly

In case you missed my post on how I kidnapped a baby bunny, well, I kidnapped a baby bunny.  Actually, I rescued it but it feels more like a kidnapping right now.  And I can tell that this post is going to take about 3 days to write because I am holding little Peeta Cottontail with one hand and typing with the other.  I s’pose I could put him down but he is so damn cute and I am actually feeding him.

He tried to latch on to my finger which was more adorable than baby seals.  I am giving him kitten formula from a syringe and he drank about 2cc.  My husband told me to give him the boob and while tempting, I just thought that would be a bit perverted.  And painful.  He has teeth.  I refuse to go back to having bleeding nipples like I had when I was nursing my son no matter how cute the bunny is and how fast my clock is ticking and how much I long to nurse just one more time before my boobs shrivel up.

Anyway, I did some research on how to care for orphaned bunnies (or in Peeta’s case, bunnies who are suffering from PTSD after having their siblings stomped on by stupid people) and this site makes it painfully clear that I am a horrible person.  It practically yelled at me to either leave the little guy alone or take it to an experienced rehabilitator or it will die.  So, I kept it.  I know.

After checking the cage today, I noticed that either Peeta is incredibly tidy (OCD does run in our family), or he just isn’t pooping.  I went back to the website.

“You must stimulate the baby’s rectum to encourage it to defecate.  The mother does this naturally by licking the underside of the babies after feedings.”  Um?  Okay.  I find it a bit odd but maybe my guilt will be relieved if I take proper care of Baby Peeta.  But every time I put my tongue near his ass, he ran away.  This baby is no dummy!

I read further.  There must be an easier (and less disgusting) way!  ”Stimulate their bottoms with a warm moist towel after feedings.”

Well, why the fuck didn’t you tell me that to begin with??!!

May 11, 2012 | Categories: animal cruelty, Baby Animals, My Sick Mind, Pets, tragedy | Tags: , , , , , , | 3 Comments »

Stalking Blogs: A How-To Post (You’re Welcome)

As I stated on my “How To Become Paparazzi-Worthy” page, I recently purchased the ebook 31DBBB (31 Days to Building a Better Blog.  To purchase this book, go HERE).  It is here where I learned about Alexa and Compete and holy hell, these sites are a blog stalker’s wet dream!!!

Now, if you are a popular blog (and by “popular” I mean that I stalk you on a regular basis and dream about being you someday), you are probably WELL aware of these sites.  Hell, if I know about them already, you are sure to know about them as well.

But if you are a newbee like me (and by “newbee” I mean that you refresh your stats page every 90 seconds and need a shower and a change of panties every time that “hits” number increases) then you may not be aware of these sites.

Go visit them and start plugging in the sites that you wish to stalk to see how many visitors they get and how they rank.  If you want to get really depressed, compare your stats to the really popular ones. BUT!  If you want to feel better about yourself, compare your blog to a blog that you know isn’t doing as well as yours.

Like mine.

My blog is so low that there is “No Data.”  YET!

May 10, 2012 | Categories: Blogging, fame and fortune, Hopes and Dreams, My Sick Mind, Stalking, Starting a Blog | Tags: , , , , | Leave A Comment »

He’s Gonna Make Someone Happy Some Day

Image

I am wearing my son’s shoes. He is 14.

May 8, 2012 | Categories: My Sick Mind | Tags: , | Leave A Comment »

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